It's like the chicken and the egg, which came first? Is he more relaxed as a baby then my daughter was because I am more relaxed (having been there, done that and got the t-shirt covered in puke) or am I more relaxed, because he is a more relaxed baby?
With my daughter, granted she had silent reflux , which did make things 100 times worse, but I totally felt out my my depth. I got told, "just listen to your baby", but if I was listening, she must have been speaking another language because I did not get it, AT ALL.
In the early few months I did not even contemplate the idea of a routine, because, everyone knows that routines mean you leave your baby to scream until their next scheduled feed time, let them cry it out and only eat when prescribed (yea right, would I have got this size by doing that). I tried to be "baby led", but the only place it was leading me was round the bend, I was going seriously loopy. OK, so postnatal depression combined with her silent reflux did not help, but that wasn't the only issue. I just was not one of those "natural mums" who knew everything their baby wanted without thinking about it too much. And the idea of having my baby with me at all times , co sleeping, going to bed when they do or keeping them up with us left me feeling like someone that wasn't me. Don't get me wrong, if that's the way someone else likes to play it, that is fair game, it just wasn't for me, we are all so different.
When I did eventually break and start guiding her into a routine I read "The Baby Whisperer", and that was about it when it came to routine books. I had heard of Gina Ford's "contented little baby" book, but from what I had heard at the time, following that book was akin to admitting you practice satanic worship.
Eventually, and without too much stress, she did get herself into a loose routine with a bit of guidance and that is when the fog started to feel like it had lifted a bit. Of course, with that also came the 4 month sleep regression and we started with the early morning waking, I won't go back to sleep unless I am in your bed mummy phase, which with around 3-4 weeks until we hit the 4 month stage with our son, am quietly cautious about happening again.
Anyway, funny thing was, come a year old I decided to look at this "contented little baby book" and what did I find? Lots of "leave them to cry" and "if you don't get this right first time you are a failure"? Nope, none of that in there. It was actually full of guidance on approximate sleep needs (although she does veer on the short side, some need more) , how to feed them before they get hungry so they have enough feeds in the day and support to say if a day goes wrong, well, tomorrow is another day, and they won't get there straight away, it takes time. Unfortunately, no one had invented the time machine, so I couldn't go back and tell the sleep deprived mum of a newborn -me that it may actually save her sanity.
This time around I looked through the book continuously whilst pregnant, and also looked at Tizzie Halls "save our sleep" another book that gets very bad press, unduly it seems. I didn't go gung-ho into forcing the routine onto my little newborn, but after the first couple of weeks we did start a few ideas, that worked for us and worked from there. Does my routine look like either of these two books exactly? Nope, but he is a contented baby most of the time and sleeps well at night, so think we are going well. I feel like this time I can "read my baby", but only because of reading these books. I know about structuring feeds, the importance of napping, over tiredness, the importance of introducing a consistent wake up time etc, and due to this, feel like I can listen to my baby better now.
No comments:
Post a Comment